Etiquette has changed with the times and varies according to different sources.  The rules of etiquette we address are only suggestions from Paper by Appointment.  Please feel free to contact more etiquette resources or us for additional assistance.

When ordering your invitations, count one invitation per household address, not per guest, unless that family includes adult children – in which case those children each get their own invitation.

Consider ordering more invitations than you think you need – we recommend a 10% overage.  There will inevitably be a cousin or acquaintance that did not make the original list.

Always order additional envelopes – at least 10% - you or your calligrapher will require extras for mistakes.  In addition, remember, if your invitations include double envelopes, make sure to order extra of both the inner and outer envelopes.

Who says tradition is lost?  Brides, if your parents are hosting the wedding, their names should be on the first line of the invitation.

It is not proper to include a deceased parent’s name on a wedding invitation.  Doing so introduces an element of sadness to an otherwise joyous occasion.  A better place to remember a deceased parent might be in the ceremony program or during the service.

Mr., Mrs. and Dr. may be abbreviated – but no other short cuts are allowed.  Your names should be spelled out – even you, “junior”.  Titles should be used consistently among the hosts, or not at all.  Initials should not be used in names on invitations.  Middle names are either in or out.

Monograms are a beautiful tradition and are regaining popularity, but since you are not married yet, do not put your married monogram on your invitation.  Your initials will make just as beautiful a design.  If you must use a monogram, it is proper to use the bride’s.  A married monogram must not make its appearance until the reception.  Think about introducing your married monogram on the reception menus or place cards.  You and your guests will love it.

Always include the day of the week, date and year of your wedding.  Most people assume that your wedding is in the near future, but it is a nice touch to have the year printed on your invitation for “keepsake” sake.

The street address of the wedding and reception location should not be printed on the invitation itself, but on a separate map or direction card.  However, be sure to list the city and state – that is, unless the city is internationally recognizable, such as San Francisco, New York or Paris.

Never include gift registry information on your wedding invitation or enclosures, or on any invitation for that matter – your family and members of your wedding party should pass on that information.

For thoroughly modern couples who are hosting their wedding together, their names may appear first, but remember the cardinal rule of written correspondence – ladies, your name goes first.

If your wedding is a formal event and you want your guests to be dressed most formally, the correct wording on the invitation is “Black tie”.  Any deviation will not guarantee that all your guests will come appropriately attired.

Reception cards are not always necessary.  If your reception will follow at the same location as the ceremony, add “and afterwards at the reception” or “Reception immediately following” at the bottom of your invitation.  It is proper to indicate that your wedding and reception are in different locations by using a separate card.

Reply dates should be 2 to 4 weeks before the wedding date, and generally a little past half way between receiving the invitation and the event itself.  Your vendors should let you know when a final count is necessary.

It is a good idea to discreetly number your reply cards, so that it is easier to identify your guests should they forget to include their name(s) on the reply card itself.

Remember to affix first class postage to your reply envelopes.  This will help to ensure your guests will respond in a timely manner.

Wedding invitations should be mailed out 6 to 8 weeks before the day of the wedding, up to 10 weeks if no save the date was sent ahead.

Be sure to weigh your invitations at the post office for the proper amount of postage.  The cost per invitation will depend on the size and shape of your invitations.  Squares are automatically extra postage.  This applies to square reply cards as well.  You can be sure that between ordering and mailing your invitations, postal rates can rise again.

It is a good idea to have your envelopes hand-canceled at the post office to avoid the “tire tread” effect left behind by mechanical stamping machines.  Hand canceling is especially important if your invitations include delicate materials, such as wax seals or beadwork.

If you are mailing out wedding announcements, they should be postmarked no sooner than the day after your wedding.

Essential to ensure no one gets lost or ends up arriving late to your event.  You can have simple text directions, guiding your guest systematically to each of your destinations (usually to the church and to the reception).  You can also opt to either submit a hand-drawn map or have a computer drawn map created for you.

An alternative to sending the directions card with the invitation is to send it upon receiving their response card indicating they are planning to attend your event.

You may want to send this card with the invitations going to your out-of-town guests.  It lists hotels or places to rent in the area you are having your wedding.  Include phone numbers and any other information they will need to know to schedule a place to stay.  This is especially helpful if your wedding will take place at a vacation spot.

Save the date announcements are a popular way to let family and friends know to reserve your wedding date in advance.  If you are planning a destination wedding, or if your wedding is planned around a national holiday, your guests will have enough advance notice to travel or even plan a vacation around your wedding.  Save the dates commonly include an itinerary of events as well as travel and hotel information, and other fun information about local attractions, activities and weather.  Sending your save the dates 6 to 9 months prior to your wedding will give guests ample opportunity to plan their attendance on your special day.

In addition to mentioning “invitation to follow” somewhere on your save the date, it is also a good idea to include contact information.  This will assure your guests know whom to address with questions about your event.

Remember, if you send a save the date, you must follow up with an invitation to everyone on your save the date list even if you know they are unable to attend.

Typically, a formal or informal rehearsal dinner is generally held on the eve of your wedding, or perhaps the day before.  Rehearsal dinner guests typically include: parents and immediate family; your Officiate; the bridal party, including the flower girl and ring bearer with their parents as chaperones; the ushers; any person you have selected to do readings during the ceremony, and the organist or musicians.  It is also nice to include guests who have traveled a distance to attend your wedding if the venue allows.

It is traditional for the groom’s parents to host the rehearsal dinner.  If you are following tradition, they should issue the invitations or it should be well noted that they are the hosts of the dinner.

Mail your rehearsal dinner invitations no later than 4 to 5 weeks before the day of the dinner.  This will allow the participants to make arrangements to attend, especially if they are traveling.

Programs generally serve to introduce your wedding participants and the order of service for your ceremony.  You may choose to include details about traditions honored during your ceremony.

The program is often a perfect place to remember family or friends by dedicating a special poem prayer or sentiment.

Thank you notes are also referred to as informals.  For engagement, shower gifts, and gifts received before the wedding, informals can be personalized with either the bride’s initials or monogram or the bride and grooms first names.  Following your nuptials, you may use your combined monogram or Mr. and Mrs. (Groom’s surname).

You should send out all of your thank you notes no later than 2 months after your wedding with exception to gifts received late.

Place cards help your guests find which table they are seated at and are usually blank or printed with your name with space for your guests’ names and table number, if they are not already placed on the table.  This is great when you have a special seating arrangement and you want your guests to find their place without any problems.

They are also helpful in letting your caterers know who is having the chicken or the vegetarian option.  You may tie different colored ribbons on the place cards or use stickers to indicate the different meal choices your guests have made.

Wedding announcements are sent to family and friends that did not receive a wedding invitation and should be sent the day after or shortly after your wedding.

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